How to Rid Yourself Of a Stalker- 101

Like a lot of other stuff on the planet, Stalkers also come in a lot of shapes, sizes, colours, wavelengths, textures, etc. My personal experience with stalkers goes back a year, when I joined Junior College for the first time. In the beginning, it was slightly awkward and it tortured me cause I found no way to deal with it without being rude and unsympathetic! But you learn as you grow...and I learnt as I grew! :P
In this blog post, I am going to give you an example, of how I dealt with an SMS stalker (dude who stalked me over texts). That one guy would just not stop! Ever! Even after SHOWING him that I was absolutely disinterested in small-talking with him, not replying five out of the six times he texted me IN.A.DAY, he just wouldn't stop! :|
So a friend of mine came up with a creative and rather exciting solution to my problem, and here's how it all went! (I'm putting in notes in brackets).

Stalker: ssup... (cheap short form of What's Up)

Me: puss...


Stalker: Lol mood me he kya

Me: Sai Baba Rules!


Stalker: wat...wer r u...and wat has happend 2u...

Me: Nagpur...Hypermetropia...yes :P


Stalker: So tu kal ky xam nahi degena... (Bad language, bad grammar, but i figured he was asking me if I was giving my exam the next day)

Me: Blue's Clues! :P


Stalker: lucky u be...enjoyin...? wats the occasion...is it eid (whaaa..? I didn't say yes, did I? :P)

Me: my name


Stalker: lucky u be...enjoyin...? wats the occasion...is it eid

Me: My goat's name is Akbar and he's a Goat.


Stalker: babe kys sadaa rahe hai yar i feel lik hitting myself (Babe...he called me babe...HE CALLED ME BABE! WTF!)

Me: <no reply>

Stalker: heloooooo der kya ("Der kya" is his favorite message...sends it tens of times in a day -_-)

Me: I have to ask you something...


Stalker: sae na

Me: Promise me you'll give me a truthful answer...I don't want your sympathy...I just want a truthful answer!


Stalker: Ya bt sae na

Me: It's a life or death question...I don't know how to ask you...This is very difficult for me! I'm scared of what your answer will be!

Stalker: ask the questin yar

Me: Kya aapke paas LIC Jeevan Anand Policy hai?


Stalker: Nop y (FACEPALM! I don't even know what to say! xD)

Me: Jai Mata Di!


Stalker: wat kind off question was dat?

Me: Thermodynamics is the branch of science that deals with different forms of energy, the quantitative relationship between them, and the energy changes that occur in physical and chemical processes.


Stalker: <calls back>

Me: <doesn't pick up>


Stalker: bol na ky puch na tha (kill me! -_-)

Me: Will we still be friends after I ask you this question?


Stalker: ya be

Me: Kya aapne Rin safedi challenge liya hai?


Stalker: abhi tu bhaad me ja samja na...... :@

Me: Yes! :P


Stalker: <no reply>

Me: <happiness>